The Half-Truth

Before entering the circular death trap
Who was I? What was I?
I would not remember
Once I enter

After entering the circular death trap
I would not even realise
How excruciatingly close were we
Myself & the enemy
Maybe I will even be able to make myself free
From the circular death trap
But the nature of the trap
Will never change……
Shall I die? Or shall I kill?
Shall I be the victim or the assassin?
This can never be settled.

The light in which decisions are made
Does it render all things equal?
Impotence is weighed against manhood
And the pointer of the balance
Fixed on a half-truth.

— Dilip Chitre

Now view the rendition of an underrated star, who was scorned and mocked at in recent years, but is now praised after he has left us – Om Puri, reciting the poem in Ardh Satya.

The movie and this poem are quite close to my heart. There was a phase in my life, when I felt I wanted to be a police-officer and get justice for those who suffered. As one grew older, one realized that the system is far too complex and corrupt. What one needed and still needs is a vigilante or a group of vigilantes.

There is anger, frustration, the castrated feeling of helplessness that has pervaded deep within the soul and all that remains is a broken, deeply flawed individual. There are moments of darkness, panic and pain. Sleep is just an adjective that offers a drug-induced comfort for a few hours. Nightmares recur, the inevitability of life, the truth, be it half or full keeps me awake….

Happy New Year — 2017



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