On Appa – On Failure and Ending this Charade

It will be Avani Avittam tomorrow. The usual ceremony with the associated prayers and rituals will be done. The holy three stranded thread the ‘yagnopavitham’ or ‘poonal’ will be dutifully changed. Like the past six or is it seven years now; no appa, no namaskarams, no separate vadhiyar. Like a lot of other tasks that a distraught son and a grieving and weak mother do; this too will be a task done to propitiate the various Gods that reside in some strange dimension!

I have lost count of the number of times relatives have passed sly comments at our predicament. I have lost count of the number of marriage proposals/alliances that have been shot down because in the eyes of prospective in-laws; a drunkard, irresponsible, chronic liar’s progeny can be no different and will only bring doom and despair.

At 36, I have lived long enough to see how the dynamics of social interaction in reality and social networks work. I have seen love stories turn in to tragedies, arranged marriages turning into success stories, love marriages turning into bitter divorces and variations and combinations of all possible results. This is not wallowing in self-pity, this is the realization that people treat you for granted, call you names behind your back, mock you, spread rumours, create fights, all to satiate their own egos.

I have always believed in counting one’s blessings and looking at the brighter side of life. But the way life seems to stretch forward and the relentless pressure to wear a mask, stay happy, put fun-filled and positive quotes on social networks, find purpose in life, work toward it; everything seems to be one massive lie and serves no definite purpose. My inability to find my purpose in life continues to daunt me. What purpose do adherence to scriptures and rituals serve? Like one automated robot this charade continues.

I have thought a fair deal about this before penning this down. Someone I knew personally, young, vivacious and vibrant; a social butterfly of sorts; died. She boasted over 7000 friends on Facebook over 2000 followers on Instagram and led the so-called charmed life. She died of a drug-overdose and at her funeral ceremony, only a total of seven people other than her grieving parents appeared. This came as a rude shock to me. Where did all those friends – real and social go? Why do we do, what we do? My day-job requires me to handle multiple corporate social media accounts and I can’t run away from there. But I do have a choice, all the random drivel posted here and on my personal accounts, I can control that for sure! I can stop pretending to be the intellectual literary snob, the cineaste, the music enthusiast, shutterbug and all the other carefully chosen adjectives used to describe my foolish self!

This ends here – now! I need to get a life – a real life. Hope to meet you in the real world and exchange thoughts.

This post will remain here as a testimony to all the foolish words written here till date.

Let there be light!


11 thoughts on “On Appa – On Failure and Ending this Charade

  1. Mahesh, hope everything now is well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and family. If you have time please watch this link. all the best…take care…

    “”We all long for lasting happiness, a never ending love, a deathless life, and a perfect home sweet home. We are searching for a perfection which never ends. That is a reasonable desire because we are actually eternal spiritual beings. However the world in which we live, the body we occupy, and the relationships we form, all have a beginning and so must therefore have an end. We are unfortunately seeking that which is eternal in an impermanent realm. Thus we suffer unnecessarily. The Vedic scriptures offer us wonderfully hopeful wisdom:
    asato mā sad gamaḥ
    tamasi mā jyotir gamaḥ
    mṛto mā amṛta gamaḥ
    Do not stay in illusion; go to the eternal reality
    Do not stay in darkness; go to the light.
    Do not remain in the realm of death; become immortal!
    – Bṛhad-āraṇyaka Upaniṣad 1.3.28

    1. Hi Danvantari,
      How are you?
      Good to hear from you. Hope things are well at your side. Here we manage with day-to-day health issues plaguing my mother; but we manage. Hospital, home, office – a cycle of journeys; that’s all.
      Wishing you good luck in all you do!

      1. Thank you Mahesh. I’m pretty good now. Whirlwind of emotion was over. 🙂 😛 Japa meditation helped me deal with it. Been travelling lately and there’s more coming. 😀

        Hopefully, she gets well soon. You need to be strong–physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. In this journey, we will face a lot of obstacles, but please don’t give up, keep praying… The names of Krsna are perfect and inseparable from Krsna Himself so just chant His names and pray and everything will be alright…Don’t worry, He will give you all protection… Our real purpose in life is to be linked and to reestablish our relationship with God. When we attain this state of consciousness, fear, pain, suffering, anxiety will be over. This is the only thing to stop the transformation of the self, from one body to another and again experience repeated birth, disease, old age and death…

        Take care Krsna Krsna…

  2. Was reading something n just wanna share this amazing quotes, 🙂

    “According to their karma, all living entities are wandering throughout the entire universe. Some of them are being elevated to the upper planetary systems, and some are going down into the lower planetary systems.

    Out of many millions of wandering living entities, one who is very fortunate gets an opportunity to associate with a bona fide spiritual master by the grace of Krsna. By the mercy of both Krsna and the spiritual master, such a person receives the seed of the creeper of devotional service.” All living entities are rotating throughout the universe, going sometimes up to the higher planetary systems and sometimes down to the lower planets.

    This is the material disease,which is known as
    When one becomes intelligent he takes to
    the path of liberation, and thus instead of rotating within this material world, he returns home, back to Godhead.”

  3. This post makes me sad Mahesh. But I cannot totally disagree with you. Got a happy news of sorts today. Have no one to share it. The happy news isn’t happy anymore. Realised that there is no one to descend from heaven to make us worthwhile. It’s upto us. Just a bit more of strength and endurance, we shall move on.

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