I sought pardon,
For my sins,
In lives gone by,
And this existence.
I found refuge,
In temples, mosques,
Monasteries and churches.
In mountains and caves,
In rainforests in the heart of darkness.
Rituals and ceremonies,
To appease the higher power,
Whichever name you choose to ascribe.
The tests and struggles that everyone faces!
Either makes them stronger or breaks them down.
Every single time when I hit trough bottom.
I fought, for I believed, I had a chance.
An obligation to survive, because I was accountable to my mother.
To make her world and life as happy as possible.
Today, as I observe her in a drug-induced stupor.
We fight ailments known and unknown.
I am powerless to help her,
All I can do is to take her to hospitals.
Follow medication and diets as prescribed.
Still there is no clear solution.
No proper answers, the battle,
For a good night’s sleep,
Was lost long ago!
I keep my eyes shut tight.
But the ears remain steady,
Waiting for the slightest moan or cry.
I don’t know what I have turned into.
A robot who mechanically,
Continues to go about his chores.
My employers have been patient.
Helping in anyway possible.
Friends, a handful, call or message.
Fragments of a family scattered around the world.
A few good souls still keep in touch.
What lies next? I don’t know,
The charade of positivity,
Of hope and good things,
All remain mere masks.
I hope I find answers.
I hope things change, for the better.
I have just one reason left,
To continue this struggle.
As that reason too, disintegrates,
The tunnel of darkness,
Seems to beckon me.
If tomorrow comes.
We shall meet again.